Open letter.

Dear Love of my life, 

Get the Fuck out of my head. You taunt me, haunt me, leave me shivering and hopeless. Helpless. My nightmares are what once used to be my best memories. 

How I rejoice a dream where you walk off, because all I’m left with is dreams that make me want you more, what a cruel joke. 

Even through this torture your smile seems to soothe my nerves and calm my head, which scares the shit out of me because the only thing I can remember is how your skin felt against mine, and how mine will rot longing for it just once more. 

I keep lying, saying that I’m over you and that I don’t care about you but the only thing that comes to my head every single day of my life is how you’re just a wall away from me, yet miles apart. How I can smell you, the perfume, yet feel so distant. How I wish you’d just walk in through these doors. 

My life changed after you. 

I hope I just wasn’t your ex. I hope I was something more. Something more than just an ex. 

I just wish I could get that piece of my heart that you’ve been keeping. The one that’s torn, rotten, probably in rags, behind a corner in your drawer. The one that you forgot you kept. It would hurt less, I think.